Worst Moment of My Life
Last evening Lil C turned blue and stopped breathing for about 2 seconds. It was the worst moment of my life. And it was my fault.
For the second time this season, the four of us piled into the car after an early dinner for a trip to Lil D’s “Blastball” game. Derek is the coach and we decided that Lil C and I would come along to each game so Lil C could hang out and play on the sidelines. You see, Lil C wishes he could play. At any chance he gets he runs over and joins in, and for some activities, I let him.
Last night, I turned my back for a few seconds too many and lil C ran over to the tee and got hit in the face with a full swing by a foam bat. I am so grateful it was a foam bat.
He fell back on the ground crying. I ran over and pick him up.
I looked at Derek and saw disdain and blame in his eyes.
I looked at Lil C and tried to soothe him. He was so hysterical that he was doing that silent crying thing where they are so distraught that the sound won’t come out. And then his face turned blue, his eyes rolled back and he went limp in my arms. It was the worst moment of my life, and it was my fault.
By the time I had yelled “Call 911”, his colour had returned to a very pale white and he was focusing on me. I was surrounded by helpful parents, one mom/physician from another team did a precursory check and told me he was fine.
At that point, I lost it. It was my fault.
The split second of blame I had seen in Derek’s eyes was gone and he was kind and supportive. But I still can’t get that split second out of my head.
There are tears on my keyboard.
The ambulance came, after a long long 10 minute wait. That is the subject of separate post. They were LOST.
Lil C was in good condition, and they offered to take him to the hospital. I considered taking him to a closer hospital myself, but decided to have the ambulance take him to CHEO. I knew that would mean a long long night. I was not wrong. Again, the subject of another post.
I did not see this firsthand, but Derek told me Lil D was terribly distraught. He continued playing his game. Kind parents stepped in to coach, but after watching his brother drive off in an ambulance, he cried for about 30 minutes (until he got to the DQ and picked out a treat for Lil C to have for breakfast this morning; it’s still in the freezer).
My parents came over and put Lil D to bed and Derek joined us in the waiting room. Three hours later he went home to relieve my parents.
After a 12:30 am tearful meltdown at the nurse’s station criticizing the triage system, I was finally seen by the MD at 1:30 am. Lil D has a slight bruise from the bat. He had “a breath-holding episode”. This is apparently triggered by pain or fear and is not harmful or life-threatening. It may even be accompanied by a short seizure due to lack of oxygen to the brain.
As the physician said, it’s good news and bad news, because he will likely do it again. Though I am told, no repeat trip to the hospital required for future episodes. Just lots of booze. For me. And drugs.
I will never forget it was my fault, though rationally I know it can happen to anyone.
I was so glad things turned out as they did. I can’t imagine…