If you think this post is about being woken up in the middle of the night and sleep deprivation, you would be correct.
If you think this story is going to include either of my children as main characters, you would be wrong.
Note to reader: We have lived in our home for less than one year.
4 am – Wednesday:
I am awoken by Derek shuffling about.
Me: What the hell are you doing?
Derek: The smoke detector is beeping.
Me (angry at having my sleep disturbed by someone over the age of 5): Are you sure it’s the smoke detector? I think it’s the security system. Just find it and fix it.
Derek: I’ve been staring at it for a few minutes, and I’m pretty sure it’s the smoke detector.
Me: Well, change the battery.
Derek: It’s not accessible. I can’t do it.
Derek: It’s over the stairwell and way high up. Come and see.
Beeping stops. We both fall back asleep; I can’t remember if we said anything to each other.
Beeping has resumed. I get up needing to examine the problem for myself. Derek joins me on the landing.
This is where it is located.
Derek: Do you think that big lightbulb changer stick thing I have will work?
Me: If you knew anything about geometry, you would immediately know that the angle would be impossible. Plus, do you really think that grabber thing will allow you to remove the cover, extract the dead battery and replace it with a new one? (I’m not very friendly in the middle of the night).
Derek (too tired to bother snapping back at my rudeness): Yeah…
Silence. I am sitting on the steps staring up at the ceiling; Derek is leaning on the railing.
Derek: This is fucking awesome.
Me: Hysterical laugh
Derek: Let’s just close our door.
Me: Yeah, the kids don’t seem to be waking up. But make sure you email our architect in the morning and ask him what we should do. Also, while you’re at it, mention that the water really drips down in front of the lower level entry. And…
Derek: Can you stop talking. We don’t need to go over this now.
Lil C: It’s morning time. I hear something beeping.
9:30 am – Architect apologizes and says contractor will be by today to fix it.
4:30 pm – Guys show up to fix it. Turns out smoke detectors are hard-wired. There are no batteries! But no one knows what to do to make sure the beeping doesn’t happen again.
5 pm – Guys dismantle smoke detector and take it with them! The mystery continues. In the meantime, please don’t set off any fireworks near our second floor.
3:30 am – Thursday
Derek (after receiving a kick): I know…
Me: I guess it wasn’t the smoke detector. Must have been the alarm system.
Derek: You’ll call them tomorrow.
Me: It probably has to do with the phone line.
Derek: No, that is different beeping.
Me: But who is going to tell the guys who are dissecting our smoke detector?
Derek: Do we have to talk about this now?
7:30 am – still Thursday
Lil D: Good morning! I hear that beeping. Why is there beeping every morning?
Derek (from upstairs): I found another smoke detector in a drawer in the laundry room.
Derek: It’s not attached to anything. It must be an extra.
Derek brings it downstairs. I examine it. I remove the battery.
Hopefully we will sleep tonight.
And Derek can explain this to the contractor.
Epilogue: The smoke detector above the stairwell needs to be moved so that it’s accessible for testing, etc. We’ve put it on our one-year-after-move-in deficiency list.
Entry filed under: Fitness.