First (Swear) Words

November 24, 2010 at 2:52 am 5 comments

I swear a lot.  Not in front of my parents or my kids, but I swear a lot.

Warning – I am going to use cuss words in this blog post.  If you are offended by foul language or have ever washed your child’s mouth out with soap, you may want to avert your eyes.

My favourite (sorry mom) swear word is motherfucker.  Don’t ask me why.  It just seems to fit so many frustrating situations.  That seems to be the expression that just rolls off my tongue.

I have said fuck and shit in front of my children once or twice, though I am actually quite impressed with my level of self-control when they are around.

I have heard amusing stories about preschoolers uttering the “f” and “s” word at opportune and inopportune moments.  To date, much to my surprise, my boys have yet to say either.  Because apparently they are not trendy enough.

At one of our regular Friday night dinner’s out, Lil D looked up from his plate of spaghetti and quietly but clearly said, “He’s a douche bag”.

Unfortunately I cannot put this comment in context for you because the conversation seemed so banal until that moment.

Derek and I looked at each other across the table with laughter and disbelief in our eyes.  Derek asked Lil D to repeat what he said, just to be sure.  He repeated, “He’s a douche bag”.

Derek asked him where he heard that expression.  “From Lil Tommy (name changed)”, came the response.

I asked if the teachers heard him say this, and in fact they did.  Apparently Lil Tommy was told not to repeat that expression for fear of serious consequences and loss of privileges, but in so pointing out the expression’s negative power, it enticed Lil D to try it out on us.

We told Lil D that we agreed with the teachers and he was not to use those bad words.  We weren’t surprised that it was Lil Tommy who taught him this fantastic addition to his vocabulary.  Lil Tommy is a very sweet little boy and one of Lil D’s best friends.  He’s also the boy who has introduced Lil D to Kraft Dinner, Oreos, Lunchables, Pepsi, and television shows that are not our first choice.

But I digress.  Three minutes after the first utterance, to no particular question or comment, came a soft but clear, “Douche bag”.

This time we were not amused.  We told him there would be severe consequences for any more similar repeats.

But inside and telepathically, Derek and I were laughing hysterically.  I mean, of all the swear words, he couldn’t have been more on trend. In fact, I’m feeling a little out of touch.  It seems douche bag has gotten a lot of airtime in 2010.  I believe it originally became popular in the 60s but has made a real comeback of late.

The next day, Lil D was with my dad, his grandfather.  He told my dad, “Lil Tommy knows bad words like douche bag”.  My dad told him that he didn’t like those words.

We hadn’t told my dad about our previous evenings’ experience and he recounted the story to us, also somewhat amused.

It’s been a few weeks and we have yet to hear any repeats.  Nor, have we heard any new fun words.  More importantly, I’m thankful that instead of saying “He’s a douche bag”, he didn’t ask “what’s a douche bag?”

Have your children come out with any fun or surprising expressions?  Do you use profanity in front of your children?


Entry filed under: Parenting. Tags: , , , , .

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Melissa  |  November 24, 2010 at 4:53 am

    This is hilarious. Oh, Lil D…
    I am also fond of swear words. I find them… expressive. I took it up in university and found I had such a strong response from those who knew me as a non-swearer that I adopted the practice permanently. My favorite “bad word” is “skank”. I also tend to say “Jesus-Mary-Joseph”, but I think that makes me sound old, and not at all trendy.

    Liam also swears, with his favorite expression being the DB which your lil D seems to favor as well. It can even be conjugated or made into an adverb, consider as “have you ever seen such douchebaggery?” Liam and I seldom swear in front of the children, but it has happened once or twice that douche bags have cut off Liam in traffic and he has felt the need to bestow the DB epithet upon them.
    A few months back, we were cut off in traffic and Abbey exclaimed…”DUDE!” and we were extrememly relieved.
    Liam said shit in front of her the other day and apologised for saying it in front of her and she said, “it’s ok dad, mommy says it all the time”.
    Which is not true, I swear.

    • 2. fitforakid  |  November 24, 2010 at 3:20 pm

      Well Melissa, I’m glad I’m not the only one. I kinda have to agree that “J-M-J” does not make you sound trendy, but “skank” sounds quite modern.

      And Liam, now he is right on trend.

  • 3. Finola  |  November 24, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    That’s too funny!
    When my eldest was learning to read, I had written out a word list for her at my Mom’s house, and she was showing my Mom how well she could read. When she got to the word “shirt” she transposed the r and the t so it became “shitter”. My Mom and I were trying so hard not to howl with laughter. I think we managed to hold it together until she got to the word “fork” and the same thing happened.
    We still laugh about this one.

  • 4. Lynn  |  November 24, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I used to be well known in my circle of friends for never, ever swearing. Since I had kids, my vocabulary has gone sailor in a big way. A few weeks ago I had a pie party and the language from the kitchen was AWFUL – and since it was a PD day, the kids were right there.

    So far they haven’t repeated anything – at least, not in front of us – because my husband is MILITANT about no swearing. I can only imagine what’s going on at the school yard!

  • 5. Alicia  |  November 25, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    This is hilarious. It must have taken a lot to hold back your laughter. Of all the swear words – I think you were lucky! My Hubby let the F-bomb slip while around my 15 month-old at the time. He looked up at his Daddy and asked “Ducky?” That is when we knew that we really had to be careful in our choice of words around him.


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